I’ve been neglecting this thing a bit lately.  Sorry for that.

Well, my train has been a-rollin’ on since whatever I posted last.  Let’s see.  I saw “The Secret”, and have begun a personal growth quest to try and think more positively.  Regardless of whether “The Secret” actually works or not (I’ve never been one to buy into any kind of new-agey mumbo jumbo), it did teach me that I am in control of my thoughts and emotions.  Having and nurturing that kind of mentality has been very helpful to me lately.  And while the universe hasn’t dumped piles of cash, women and overall success in my lap, I have been in a better mood the last couple of months.  But there have been a couple of strange coincidences that makes me raise my eyebrows at the very least.

I sent an email to an ex-girlfriend last weekend.  While this is usually never advisable, it made me feel really good to do it.  I really liked her a lot, and we didn’t go out very long.  We were never “together” actually if you asked her about it.  I was just some dude she was banging for a couple months.  Regardless, I was pretty hurt after she didn’t want to see me anymore.  But recently I made the conscious decision to let all of the negativity about it go.  If I was going to think about her (which happens now and then) I was only going to think about the good stuff.  Which gets me to the email.  

I just said that the reason I liked her so much was that it was really easy to be myself around her.  Not only that, but being me was pretty sweet.  I just wrote that I liked that, and that I was grateful for it.  Now, before you go assuming it was a “I’m lonely, please get back together with me,” type of message, believe me, it wasn’t my intent at all.  Even if I never hear from her ever again (which is most likely the outcome of this), I still feel good about it.  I’ve let it go, and left it behind on a positive note.  

So I have a new imaginary internet girlfriend.  She sent me a message on a personals site (cringe, but yes) and we exchanged a few emails, as well as numbers, as well as some text messages.  She’s on the radio.  Not internet podcast fake radio, not satellite, but real terrestrial radio.  She has a bio on the station’s site.  She’s cute, and we’re apparently going to hang out after the holidays.  Should be interesting, or something new to write about at the very least.  

Still hearing grumblings about this other boat place.  My buddy that works there said his manager was asking about me yesterday.  Hmmmmm…  I think I’m going to be giving them a call and a proposition after the holidays are over.  

Until then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

Thursday was rough.  In class for about 13 hours.  Had to take a one-time eight hour long Word class, followed by my regularly scheduled class.  Regular class was good though.  I know it sounds narcissistic, but I like knowing the right answers to the instructor’s questions, and I like being listened to and validated.  But everybody does to a degree.  My nemesis was in full-effect however.  Almost every time I open my mouth, she follows up with something to either completely disagree, or rob me of my credibility.  I think she’s just attracted to me.  That always gets a laugh whenever I tell people that, but still…

Yesterday was pretty good.  I didn’t get much sleep the night before, but I hopped right out of bed when the alarm went off.  Most days, I feel like I’m trying to mentally swim through the mud at the bottom of a lake.  So many conflicting thoughts, distractions, neurosis, and insecurities.  But yesterday, I was just sailing right along the water’s surface, sails full of wind, pointed directly at my destination.  I wish I could have more days like that.  Maybe it’s just because it was Friday.

Got a mystery text today from a number I didn’t know asking me what I was up to tonight.  I saw the area code and my heart started pounding.  There’s someone that I dated a while back that really did a number on me.  Someone who I shouldn’t even give the time of day to, but if they asked me out to “talk about things”, I’d say yes immediately.  I did my best to eliminate every trace of her (she wanted to “stay friends”), but still find myself thinking of her now and again.  I eventually found out that it was just an old buddy who’s back in town.  We hadn’t talked in quite a while, and I did a phone-purge not to long ago of people that I never talk to.  

On the first week of every month, we have a safety meeting at work.

After the safety section, we have some sort of pep talk about what’s coming down the pipeline as far as new boats to build.  Not today.  The mechanic foreman just bitched at us about things that we have collectively been doing poorly.  What a wonderful way to end a shitty day.  Looks like I’ll be working for my new boss; “Captain Fuckface’.  He’s a dick and I hate working for him.  I hate working there so much now.  However, with all of the doom and gloom going on, I’m starting to feel a little closer to unemployed liberation.  We shall see.  I need to get started on my homework.  Laters

Here we are again,

thought I’d do a little writing to get the brain goin’ a bit before I hit the homework.  

So I’m in school now, for technical writing.  This weekend I have to describe how to build something out of tinker-toys that we made in class this week.  Harder than it sounds.  

I had yet another first date on Friday.  Her name was Simone.  We met at Smarty Pants and had sandwiches, and then headed next door to the Nine Pound Hammer for some drinks.  I made the mistake of paying for everything like a jackass.  Guess I got carried away.  She was pretty cute, and really bubbly and outgoing.  That seems to be what I like, but this will probably follow the usual pattern of my dating life lately and I’ll never hear from her again.  I’m not being negative, but let’s say you were a weather man and living in Seattle.  You could probably throw rain into the forecast and be right about 90 percent of the time.  I hope something happens, but I’m not counting on it.  I have too much homework these days anyway.  

Last night Sergio came over.  He’s in from Baltimore taking a break from his job and relationship.  Of course there was 30 minutes of both Sergio and my roommate on their fucking phones with their fucking girlfriends while I sat and stared at the wall.  But other than that it was good to see him.  I just wish that people wanted to do something together other than stare at a TV.  Oh well.  That should be enough for now, I got to get to my readin’ and writin’.

Been a while.

So I moved from Ballard to Redmond last week.  As usual, my packing was all last minute, and after three solid days of getting all the random odds and ends into boxes, I look around my humble basement and see all manner of detritus that defies nice neat compartmentalization.  

Now I live with Pat, an old friend who recently bought a condo in the area.  It’s a pretty good situation, I have to admit.  It’s quite a different dynamic than Sara and I had.  An interesting side note, after assuming that Sara hated me and resented my presence the last few months (she finally found a serious boyfriend, and with me being a shut-in hermit and all, I can imagine it being annoying to hear me playing Modern Warfare right below her bedroom while she’s trying to get her hump on), she told me that I was the best roommate that she had ever had.  She even went on to say that with the rental market as it is (either overpriced dumps, or waaaaay overpriced nice apartments) that she considered finding another house to share with me.  It was very flattering and a nice parting moment between us.  I’m glad we can still be friends after having been roommates for a year.  Anyway, Sara and I didn’t talk much, and hung out even less.  Pat is the opposite.  He always wants to talk and always offers to either take me with him or come along on the dumb little errands that people run in their daily lives.  This is all fine, it’s just that I’m not used to announcing where I’m going or offering to pick something up at the store and whatnot.  But it’s a good situation overall.  I’ll still be keeping my distance to preserve the friendship for whenever this living situation is over.  

Some other cool things about this place are A: the commute is the same amount of time as it was in Ballard, B: I’m about five minutes away from a half-price bookstore, C: the rent is cheaper, and D: I’m about ten minutes away from Bellevue College.  I’m attending an information session on their technical writing program next week, and then probably starting classes the week after.  I’m pretty excited about it.  

And now for some self-analysis:  One stupid thing I do is that I tend to stay in shitty situations for longer than necessary.  I don’t know why.  I could be afraid of change, which is dumb.  Nine times out of ten, no matter what the change is (jobs, people, whatever) it ends up being for the better in the long run.  You either learn something, or drastically improve your situation.  Speaking of which, I hate my job.  I hate hate hate it.  And it’s gotten worse.  I was working for boss A who is cool and I like.  He’s been demoted and I now work for boss B, who is a condescending prick and I can’t stand to be around.  Awesome.  The place is also starting to go down the tubes.  For whatever reason, there just isn’t a big market for ridiculous super-yachts.  They’ve started turning half the lights off in the shops.  Not only is it harder to see what you’re doing, it’s just an ominous and depressing signal of things to come.  Also, they’ve started being major bitches about what constitutes being “on-time”.  Now you not only have to be clocked in before seven, you have to be clocked in and on whatever boat you’re working on with your tools in your hand by seven.  This basically means I have to leave for work fifteen minutes earlier.  All of this has however, galvanized me into getting back into school and doing something about my future rather than laying around moaning about how horrible everything is.  

Oh, my new geographical location is just down the street from Microsoft.  I talked to a guy at a party last night who works for MS, on the Kinect motion-capture thing they’re developing.  I asked him about testing and becoming a tester, and it sounds like I might have a shot at it.  It doesn’t pay much, but it’d beat what I’m doing now hands down.  And he also said that good testers move up quick.  I think I’d be good at it.  I play a lot of games, and I’m never shy about what I think could use some improving.  

I’m an atheist, and I think that most of what happens in our mysterious universe is just random chance.  I know that I’m doing what I have to in order to move forward and improve, but I can’t believe that amount of serendipity that’s happening here.  I’m taking it as a good sign.  Something is coming into my cross-hairs, and even though I’m not sure what it could be, I’m pulling the trigger.  Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then, right?

Well, 

I had my interview at rival boat place.  It went really well.  I may not be good at working, but I’m pretty good at interviewing.  Maybe that’s why I don’t do so good at dates.  All I do for an interview is talk about what I know how to do well, other things that I’ve done in the past, and throw in the odd observation about what I thought the past company did well or poorly.  Whereas women are different.  In an interview, you’ve got to be like the excited pet dog (to a certain degree, try not to jump up on them, piss yourself, or bark too much).  Enthusiasm, attitude, and reliability trump everything else.  It works so well, I try to apply it to everything.  

With the ladies, you’ve got think about the situation like they’re a cat.  Now I’ve got to digress and give credit to Adam Carolla, my comedic icon.  That’s where I heard this metaphor first anyway.  Now if you’re visiting a friend or relative with a cat, there’s a certain way of making friends with it.  If you come at it all excited and “lets play!”, the cat’s going to be on top of the refrigerator until you leave.  However, if you sit calmly, talking with whoever about whatever, the cat’s curiosity about you will eventually get the better of it.  It’ll creep around at a distance, checking you out.  All you’ve got to do is pretend like it’s not there.  It’ll circle closer as you ignore it until it’s rubbing against your leg.  Yet you still ignore it.  Eventually it can’t resist and it’ll jump into your lap and try to get comfortable.  Still though, you gently push it off.  At this point, the cat is going crazy inside.  It’s little kitty brain is saying, “hold on, I’m the fucking cat here, people want to pet me, people want me in their laps, and why wouldn’t they?  Who the fuck does this guy think he is?  I’ll show him!”.  You’re probably not going to be able to keep it off your lap for the remainder of your visit.  All you have to do is pet it a little every once in a while and it’ll just sit there and purr, and now you’ve got a feline friend for life.  I’ve been trying to apply this to women with little success.  My enthusiasm always gets the better of me.  I just think that if you’re into someone, it’s bullshit to have to pretend that you’re not for them to like you.  

Anyway, what was I talking about earlier?  Oh yeah, the interview.  It went very well.  Unfortunately they’ve only got enough solid work through the end of August.  So that means if I put in my two weeks at my current job, I’d start working there with about two weeks before the work ran out.  But my interviewer said that I was an impressive specimen, and that my resume would be going into the “special” folder, and that they’d give me a call if things got more solid and stable.  

It’s sort of like if you met someone one night, and you both really liked each other right off the bat, but she said something like “I have to move to Phoenix tomorrow to take care of my sick parents until they die, but I’ll let you know if they do!”.  On the one hand, you could drop everything and change your life for the promise of true love.  On the other, life isn’t a romantic comedy, and these things rarely if ever work out for the long haul.  So I’m right back where I started.  But that wasn’t such a bad place to begin with.

On an unrelated sidenote, I need to get my bike running.    

Attention all planets of the solar federation:  We have assumed control.  We have assumed control.  We have assumed control.

Yes, that’s pretty nerdy.  It’s the last lines from “2112” in case you didn’t know.  Interesting story behind that song.  Rush’s previous album before 2112 was Caress of Steel, which had a 10-minute rock opera on side A, and the entirety of side B was a 20 minute rock opera.  People mostly hated.  Actually, just the rock critics hated it.  Their growing fanbase loved it.  In the course of three records, they had gone from playing in small basement clubs, getting popular and touring with KISS, and then back to playing small basement clubs.  They called it the “down the tubes tour”.  When it came time to record the next album, they had a choice.  They could bow to the record label’s demands and make radio pop, or they could continue the weird journey they had already started.  They basically said “fuck it” and chose to record 2112.  It was a futuristic rock opera based on the novella “Anthem” by Ayn Rand.  Not the first thing that comes to mind when you think “popular”.  At the end of the song the words “We have assumed control” repeat over and over.  Indeed they did.  The record was a hit with the fans, and they were given free reign to do whatever the fuck they wanted to.  

What does all of that have to do with what I’m going through?  Good question.  I was contacted by a different boat place than the one I’m working at now.  Last week, I had decided that it would be better to stay where I’m at for now and play it safe.  Then Friday happened.  It’s a long story, not very interesting, and it sounds silly when I vocalize it, but it catalyzed some very intense feelings that I’d been ignoring for some time.  Basically, I was bullied by a supervisor while I was doing nothing more or less than trying to get my assigned task completed.  But I managed to keep cool and not freak the fuck out.  It was pretty silly actually, but things have been building and building, and I’ve wanted to leave my current employer for some time.  After thinking about it this weekend, it’s time to assume control.  I called the rival boat place today, and set up an interview for tomorrow at 1:00pm.  Here’s the catch though; they only have enough work to last through August.  However, if I can make a good enough impression in that month, I could wind up with a permanent gig there.  It’s time.  The train is pulling from the platform, and if there’s more money on it, I’m jumping on goddammit.  

Called in sick today.

Slept till noon.  It was fucking great.  I’ll probably go to work tomorrow after my miraculous recovery today.

Other than that, some things have happened recently.  I finally got in touch with that other boat place about possibly working for them.  It didn’t go quite like I’d hoped it would, but it was a positive experience overall.  Their HR lady said that they had a lot of work to get done by the end of August (thanks BP!), but that there wasn’t much after that.  She said that while they’d like to hire somebody as experienced as I am, they couldn’t guarantee anything after that.  So long story short, I should stay where I’m at despite how much I don’t like it, because at least I’ll be able to pay my bills for a while longer.  So while it was nice to be sought after, I’m staying put for now.  Now I’m just hoping for my ranger buddy to come through at the end of summer.

Oh yeah, and that girl I was all worried about?  Whole lot of nothing going on there.  She eventually texted me on Friday about how she had to work that night and on Saturday (is there a lot of late night banking that I don’t know about?).  I asked my roommate about what I should do.  She said it wasn’t necessarily a bad sign, but not to call for four days.  Check.  Called Tuesday, no answer, didn’t leave a message.  Probably never see nor hear from her again.  

As for the rest of the day, I need to either post some things for sale/trade on Craigslist, or get a beach towel and pass out in the back yard for a while.  Hmmmm… 

Just called the girl,

first off, I know according to “the rules”, I shouldn’t have, but I said I would, and I’m nothing if not a man of my word.  I thought we should solidify our plans.  Second, no answer.  Left a lame sounding voicemail.  Probably never hear from her again.  I’m freaking out.  Perhaps unjustifiably, but I’m not gullible enough to think that my luck is just going to suddenly turn around inexplicably.  This is really frustrating.  Man I wish I could go back in time and not have made that phone call.

The heading does not lie,

this is indeed an update of this week.  ”Why?”, you might be asking.  Well, a few things have happened this week, which makes it different from most of my weeks.

Number one: Went on an internet date.  Nothing new there.  I thought it went pretty well, still nothing new.  She was cute, smart, and a little dorky.  We talked a lot about movies.  She’s educated and works as a manager in a bank.  But at the end of it, she asked me for a pen.  I wasn’t sure what was going on at first, but it was so she could give me her number.  I called her last night and we’re going to a movie tomorrow night.  All I have to do now is not fuck it up.  I’ve got a good feeling though.  She asked for a pen (how quaint, everyone just punches it into their phone), and we’ve actually talked on the phone, instead of texting.  Those seem like good things to me.

Number two: My buddy Tim called me on Friday, and said that the boat place he works at is hiring.  He said that I should apply as fast as possible.  I thought about it over the weekend, and ended up deciding against it.  I’m going to be starting either school, a new job, or both after summer, so why make a move now with a month and a half left?  However, yesterday, their HR lady called me and left a message.  I called back today, and I’m going to have an interview sometime next week.  Hopefully they want to pay me a lot more than I’m making now.  

All in all, it seems like things are starting to roll my way for once.  Not to complain, but it’s about fucking time, universe.  We shall see how all of this turns out.  Now I’ve got to clean the living fuck out of the house!